home from Ukraine

I've been home from Ukraine for several weeks, with a vacation to Ontario squeezed in there, but my processing of the trip hasnt stopped. I've been thinking a lot about the wonderful people there, and wondering if I'll ever get to see them again. There are two families in particular that Id love to see again, and I'd love to have them come to Canada for a visit. If I had the money, I'd make it happen, but until then, I'll have to settle with the possibility of returning to Ukraine.

Ryan keeps talking about going next summer with a young adult team, so the possibility is there, but it may be 2 years before I get to go again. God is gracious and knows our hearts and when we are willing to obey He opens great doors for us. i pray that God sees this heart and answers my prayers because I'd really love to go back. I want to see the work that God is doing in Ukraine, and be apart of it.

what now?

now what?

I've been sitting at home for the last 4 days, wondering what is next for my life?! Dont get me wrong, I'm excited, but I want answers. I know that its all in Gods good and perfect timing, and that He knows whats best, and when its best, but I wanna know.. I feel like a whiny school girl, whining to her teacher about her grade in math. I know that God is saying, "just be patient my child", but to be honest, im having trouble with this. Im already feeling the effects of my friends being gone, and at some moments of the day, I just want to curl up in a ball and bawl. There are times in my day that I feel lonely, scared, nervous, excited, anxious, bitter, and tired. Tired from trying to figure it out all on my own, nervous because making new friends is horribly hard for me. Scared, because making new friends means that ill have to be vulnerable and willing to open up (that is if i want non surface only friends). Bitter because God took several people from me this year, and Im not sure what that leaves me with. I have many great people in my life, dont get me wrong, many great friends. But to call them my closest friends, they have to be pretty special. Being a pastors wife doesnt allow me to be vulnerable with just anyone! Maybe this process for me is going to be like that of a chronic dater. where taking a "break" from dating is what is needed, maybe whats needed for me is to take a break from certain types of friendship. Maybe God is teaching me to befriend Him, to rely on Him, and to trust Him. Maybe God is going to teach me something amazing while I bask in His presence and not rely on people to fill my emptiness.

Im waiting Lord, waiting on you and your plans and desires for my life. Im excited mostly because I know that you never let us go. You love us so much and have a great plan for us. Im trusting in that.

Gods gift to me

Some say that people come into our lives because of fate, but I believe that God has designed each

friendship for specific times in our lives when we need those people the most! Friendships are very important to me, and when one goes sour, I find it most difficult to make it though. Although with Gods strength and infinite wisdom I always make it out alive! Sometimes we make choices that cause our friendships to become disconnected, and sometimes its just circumstances. Sometimes though circumstances dont cause disconnections, but rather tighter bonds.

I've had a couple friends in the past few years move to Ontario. My friend Heather moved there a probably about 5 years ago. I hate to say it, but we were disconnected

before her move (we went to bible college together and travelled to China with the school). While she was in Thunderbay our friendship flourished. She is a straight shooter, and I appreciate people like that. Even though we dont get to chat often, because life gets in the way, we have a strong friendship that nothing could break. We are here when the other one needs, and I dont think I would have made it in my marriage had it not been for her.

On August 12th this month, my other friend Erin is moving to Ontario as well. We've been friends for the past 8.5 years. Our husbands lived together in bible school and Matt was in our wedding party. Although Ryan and Matts relation

ship has, lets say, hit a dry spell, mine and Erins friendship has never been stronger. I recently made a fool of myself and used a lot of hurtful words towards Erin, and none of which looking back are accurate. Hurt and anger filled my brain and i had verbal diarrhea. It was embarrassing and cold. Hurtful and mean, but because of Erins love for people she welcomed me with open arms. She forgave me and allowed our friendship to become even stronger then it was before. I am so thankful for that. Im so grateful that Erin was there through my 2.5 pregnancies. That she helped me through my postpartum depression, my miscarriage/tubal pregnancy. She helped raise Levi for the 2nd year of his life as i wen

t back to work, and she loved him like her own.

Erin is the most amazing friend I have ever had, and even though she is moving, and this chapter in life is closing, I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has great things in store for both of us. Great new friendship, and strengthening this old one!

Erin if you ever read this, THANK YOU! from the bottom of my heart, i thank you. With ever fibre of my being, i thank you, with each breath that God gives me, there is a whisper of thanks to you. You are a source of strength to me, you ar

e a roll model, you are the best friend that a woman could ask for. You are appreciated and loved!

Our kids will need to skype. thank God that we live in this day and age where we can still follow each others lives, and as you begin your new life in Ontario, know that Im praying for you, your kids, your marriage and your future friendship, may they be rich, and real, honest, and genuine. Please though dont ever forget the wonderful times we've had.

Until next time my b

eautiful friend...

I love you!

Erin meeting Levi for the first time!