My new nickname is "blame taker". I have discovered that its is who i am. I am a blame taker. I have done it my entire life, and its has allowed for me to keep friends close, rather then have each of us grow from our experiences. I would much rather take all the blame for an issue that i have with family or friends, just to keep the peace. It makes me out to be a bad person, and it doesnt allow people to grow.
After seeing my councillor a few months ago and talking with her about the deep issues i have with my sister and the fear of her failing because it'd be like i failed her, i came to realize that i am not responsible for anyone's actions but my own. She stated that I need to stop taking responsibility for her actions and not feel guilty if she fails. The same goes for my friendships.. If i take all the responsibility for everyones actions, just to keep peace, then im doing a disservice to that person, and harming their growth. I am not responsible for anyone but myself.
This has been a tough lesson to learn and i never thought that it was the same as with my sister as it is with my friends. i didnt see the connection there, but now i have. i have allowed people to treat me poorly and abuse me because of my willingness to just lay down and take it. NO MORE.. I can only take the blame for my own actions, I cannot live in fear that my friends will fail. I cannot take the responsibility that is theirs, and if that means that i have to let go of a few friendships then i will.
It wont be an easy road. it'll be difficult to manage, but i trust that God will continue to direct me and guard my heart from the hurt.
its liberating to know that I dont have to carry someone else's burden. thank you Father for teaching me this lesson, even if it meant losing a friend or two in the process. I pray that those friends would grow and be shaped into the people You created them to be.
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