Yes I have a blog. Yes this is my way of sharing my thoughts, hurts, pains, highlights and sufferings through life. Where else do I get to do this?
After having coffee with a friend and mentor this week I came to realize that my being frustrated with being in ministry is due to the fact that I was never sure of what God thought of my personality. Funny I know, seeing that I talk to students all the time about Gods design for their life and how He loves who they are and created them to be that way, all the while not believing it for myself.
I guess I always thought that my personality was more trouble for me then helpful and that people just couldnt like me for who I am. I was afraid that God would be upset with me for using my "weaknesses" in my personality. Rather then thinking that possibly God gave me this personality as a strength in the church.
I am a straight shooter, you ask me a question, ill give you an answer. It is always nice and rosy? Is it fair and just? Is my opinion always asked for? NOPE... and this friend helped me to realize that I should ask if someone wants to hear my opinion rather then just share it. Some people just arent ready for what I have to say, and I need to be OK with that.
God has given me many opportunities to speak truth into someones life, and other times I think I've fallen short of that. Just like everyone else I fall short. I sin, I do things that I know are wrong and God deals with me in an appropriate matter.
I say all this to say that God has created my inmost being, He knit me together in my mothers womb, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139. He has a purpose for my life, He has a purpose for my exact personality. Do I have lots to learn? YES. But He knows, and He teaches me, and corrects me.
I am proud to say that I have a new lease on life. This life is not mine, I'm simply just an instrument of Gods, so share truth, life and love to the people i come into contact with. If my heart is pounding because God has laid something on my heart to say, should I not obey Him and say it? I love this new found freedom. I love the support I have from two of my most valued friends, Miriam and Ryan.
Thank you for your love, support and guidance, and most of all your patience as I grow and mature into the woman that God intended for me to be.
Refine me oh God, that I may be more like you, teach me your ways, and encourage me when I'm in my deepest need!